Where's the fun?

This isn't working for me right now. And I can't help but wondering, where did the fun go?



Over the past couple of weeks, I've had projects to do at work that took quite a bit of time. No problem, I'm a person who likes to dig in and do something that has a reward at the end, even the process can be reward enough. One of these projects in particular was kind of a puzzle, taking a bunch of numbers from various reports--reports I'd helped create back in February--and then massaging those numbers and putting them into one upload file. I know only a geek can get this, but it should have been fun.



Instead it was hell.



Not the report itself. That wasn't so bad. But interruptions and other obligations kept popping up, and a report I should have been able to work on for a few hours, became the bane of my existence for days, hovering over my shoulder, tapping it, whispering my name. Instead of a glorious birth, it had a slow death.



And that's what I mean by this not being fun.



Lately, I'm trying to remember the reasons I work. To pay a few bills like utilities, to buy groceries, and for health insurance, basic needs. To buy some additional stuff that's fun or keeps things running and to travel a little throughout the year are two more reasons. I could get by on a lot less, and would be glad to work part time, if I could get enough hours and hourly pay to do so, and if I could have health insurance. I know of several people who work full time for health insurance. I'm kind of one of those people. And I find that sad. For the people having to work full time who would like to work part time and for the people who would love to have the full time jobs filled by someone working mostly for insurance.



But another reason to work, and this is crucial for me, I need to feel what I'm doing is contributing in some way to a greater good, a greater good that has meaning. Right now, I'm too bogged down in the muck to see that. Maybe it does. But maybe there's something else I should be doing. Part of the problem is that the things important to me are being shafted during this crazy time, and when something important to me isn't being given the attention I feel it deserves, watch out!



And while all of this is coming to mind, I can't help but wonder if we've got things all screwed up. So many people are working in jobs that aren't a good fit, stuck there while the economy improves, maybe stuck by their past financial decisions. I try to imagine a world where people are doing what they love to do, something that fits well with the talents they were born with. The world might have a lot less miserable people, projecting their misery on the unsuspecting bystander. I'd like a glimpse of that world. It sounds a lot more fun.



I had one of those jobs for a few years, when I had some money saved and could buy COBRA insurance and even some catastrophic-only insurance for a few months. I worked part-time doing something I loved--and spending the rest of the time on what mattered to me. I got enough rest and enough time to reflect and be me, plus the me I was becoming. And I had time for family and friends. Life was grand.



This post doesn't have a lightbulb moment, just a lot of questions coming from the confusion. And if no one raises the questions, if we continue along on the same path day after day without even asking if this is the way things have to be, then the confusion continues. When nothing changes, nothing changes. And like Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Let's start. Today is the right time.